Weasel Law - North Carolina NPR News

Here is a piece I recorded for North Carolina NPR News about dealing with the loss of a loved one, and the joy of the Holiday Season.

Weasel Law - North Carolina NPR News

Obama: Deal is ’within sight,’ not yet complete

Here is the latest on the Fiscal Cliff status

Obama: Deal is ’within sight,’ not yet complete

New Year's Greetings and some practical advice

You’re Out of Order! Dealing with the Costs of Incivility in the Legal Profession - Magazine - ABA Journal

Another interesting article.

You’re Out of Order! Dealing with the Costs of Incivility in the Legal Profession - Magazine - ABA Journal

Wake County grapples with school assignment plan - Winston-Salem Journal: Local News

Here is an interesting article about school assignment issues in Raleigh/Wake County

Wake County grapples with school assignment plan - Winston-Salem Journal: Local News

Here is the latest  What I've Learned About Life on the Way to the Courthouse piece of Mike Wells about Weasel Law, and the power of humor to help us deal with loss this Holiday Season.

Mike Wells practices in Winston-Salem.

 

 

Weasel Law – How Laughter Can Help Us Deal with Loss this Holiday Season

 

Our children love to hear the weasel story.  Mostly.

 

My wife’s father (Papa) grew up in rural Virginia in the 1920s, and he went rabbit hunting as a boy.  One day he went to pick up the rabbit he had shot, and an enterprising weasel, which saw opportunity with that felled rabbit, went after the rabbit, too.  The weasel bit Papa on the finger, drawing blood and leaving a scar.

 

When our three children were quite young they would ask their grandfather to tell the weasel story.  Papa would quickly oblige.  Then they asked to see the scar on his finger. Our children were intrigued by the adventure of it all, but fearful of the dreaded weasel, too. 

 

It was much like Shakespeare’s verse about a lover’s pinch: It hurt, but it was “much desired.”

 

This wonderful weasel story has had a greater value over the years.  My wife, an only child, was devoted to her dad.  Twelve years after his death, she still mourns his loss.  We all do.  A conversation about her dad can still cause a tear to be shed.

 

But humor, brought out in old stories about what her dad did and what he said, brings us in through the side door of the life of this wonderful man, and avoids much of the sadness.  We tell the old stories and laugh again, and this special human being is closer to us for a while.

 

Years ago a friend of mine told a story about his dad.  His dad took him back to the old farm where his dad had grown up.  His dad excitedly jumped from the car, and started spouting out information about the farm. 

 

“Here is where the old well house was”, “Here is where the tobacco barn was”, and on and on.  My friend, who was 12 years old at the time, said, “But Daddy, those buildings are not here now.  They’ve all been torn down.”  His father said, “Everything that matters is still here.”

 

When a loved one is gone, I have found their stories help a family, just like the weasel story helps our family.  The family enters through the side door of humor, and not the front door of grief, and we pay a visit to the part of that loved one which is very near.

 

It is as if the loved one is leading the family safely to the other side of grief. 

 

Humor and these stories have great value in the Holiday Season, because the Holiday Season is about remembering, going back to a less cluttered time.  Our mind’s eye strips away the memory of gifts and things, and focuses intently on the ones we love—the true essence of the season.  These stories, whether they are of that season or not, season richly our memories of these dear ones who came before us, and they keep us focused on the wonderful good of these loved ones we have in our hearts.

 

In this high season of our different faiths, these stories also help us to focus on the things that unite us rather than divide us. Faith, hope, love, charity, kindness, and goodness.  Whatever our body of faith, we share this same, sweet list. For a spell, our sight lines on the God of us all are closer.  And the heavens, and the smiles of our loved ones in heaven, shine a little brighter.

 

What I’ve learned about life on the way to the courthouse is this: Humor is a wonderful gift.  It gives us distance from grief and the loss of a loved one.  It helps us to the other side, especially in the Holiday Season, where the view of life is more forgiving and kind.  Even the fateful day the weasel bit Papa.

 

POSTSCRIPT If you receive this e-mail

Are your loved ones considering a reverse mortgage? Here are some well regarded consumer-oriented resources to help with that.

When should a senior citizen seek a reverse mortgage loan?

The access to additional cash flow, or an adequate cash resource, can be a very good thing for seniors who have income challenges.  But seniors and their advisors should exercise caution. These transactions are not without challenges, according to a report by the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau.  This bureau analyzed this product in detail as part of a Dodd-Frank financial reform act requirement.

The number of American families who are accessing their home equity is on the rise.  Just in the last three years years, the number of borrowers who took all or almost all of the available equity cash in closings has gone up by thirty percent, and the overall level is now almost three out of four homeowners.

According to the Bureau: “Taking out a reverse mortgage early in retirement, or even before reaching retirement, increases risks to consumers.  By tapping their home equity early, these borrowers may find themselves without the financial resources to finance a future move—whether due to health or other reasons.”

The Bureau found that over nine percent (as of February, 2012) of the borrowers are at risk of foreclosure because they have not paid their property taxes and insurance.  Says Richard Cordray, the Director of the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau: “With one in ten reverse mortgages already in default, it is important that consumers understand that they are signing up for and that it is the right product for them.”

So what should be the next steps to decide if this product is right for a senior?

A good place to start is Financial Pathways of the Piedmont (formerly Consumer Credit Counseling Service of Forsyth County), located at 8064 North Point, Winston Salem (336-896-1191; www.FinancialPathwaysofthePiedmont.org), a well regarded United Way agency.

There is a great deal of very valuable information on line.  www.hud.gov has  a  good website with a series of frequently asked questions and answers on most of the issues.  The Federal Housing Administration has a number of useful consumer fact sheets which can be accessed at www.fha.gov, or by calling -1-800-CALL-FHA.

The National Council on Aging has a great deal of useful information available at their website at www.ncoa.org.  They publish a useful piece it calls “Use Your Home to Stay at Home. A Guide for Older Homeowners Who Need Help Now.” 

Other useful websites can assist a prospective senior in calculating how much money you may be able to borrow in a reverse mortgage transaction:  AARP calculator (http://rmc.ibisreverse.com//rmc_pages/rmc_aarp/aarp_index.aspx.  The National Reverse Mortgage Lenders Association has a calculator as well: (http://rmc.ibisreverse.com/default_nrmla.aspx).

A senior should meet with their financial advisor to determine what their cash flow requirements are, and whether or not there are other savings which seniors can secure to improve their cash flow.  Once you determine any cash flow needs you have, find out how much cash flow each month a reverse mortgage transaction is going to provide to you.   This information will help you make a much better decision.

What you should not do is mortgage your property for a large cash payout to loan or give to your children for their cash flow needs.

Finally, the North Carolina Commissioner of Banks has a website where one can find the names and contact persons for reverse mortgage lenders in North Carolina. (https://www.nccob.org/online/nmls/ReverseMortgageCertficates.aspx).

On balance, this kind of loan can be a very good thing for seniors, but they should consider it only after consulting their trusted advisors and gathering the necessary information.

How to help with our school superintendent search

 

Please complete a brief survey about our next school superintendent search, and encourage others to do the same.  It does not take long.

http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/ML9QTJX

Attend one of the two remaining forums (and encourage others to attend!)

Thursday, Dec. 13 at 6:00 at East Forsyth High School

Tuesday, Jan 8 at 6:00 at Carver High School

Do your part on this very important community decision!

Thanksgiving Message from Mike Wells

A Perfect Halloween Strategy--The Value of a Plan

A Perfect Halloween Strategy – The Value of a Plan

 

She was way ahead of me on this one, as older sisters often are with their little brothers.

 

Halloween was, and is, a great time for children.  The best part for me was the stash of candy you collected.  For a period of time, your mom indulged you having some candy from your bag that normally you would never be allowed to eat.

 

My strategy on Halloween night was to go with my buddies (when kids without accompanying parents was safe) to the houses in the neighborhood.  The neighbors, of course, saw past our costumes but they never let on they knew us.

 

My sister, three and a half years older, had a different strategy.  She and her best friends would get one of the parents to take them to the richest neighborhood and they would work those houses pretty well.  Being cute little girls dressed up as gypsies didn’t hurt.  Who would not want to give some extra treats to a cute little gypsy girl? 

 

At the end of the evening, my sister and I would dump out our stashes on the bed to see how we did.  The vivid picture in my mind’s eye of the visible evidence of this more thoughtful strategy has stuck with me all of these years. 

 

But what really has stuck with me is that my stash ran out sooner than hers.  I had to endure what seemed like weeks of her still enjoying her candy after my candy had run out.  Sometimes even cute little gypsy girls will rub it in to their younger brothers. 

 

The humorist, Lewis Grizzard, told the story of the little boy who was accused of getting into his older sister’s Halloween candy.  He blamed it on their dog.  When confronted with the reality that the family had no dog, he replied “That’s my story and I’m sticking to it”.

 

The failure to have such an innovative long-term Halloween candy strategy makes for a good story, but it does not impact us as adults.  But the “that’s my story and I’m sticking to it” story line is very much with us.  And its impact can be very damaging to our careers. 

 

The reason most of us do not have a long-term strategy is because we do not have a short-term strategy either.  We do things pretty much as we have done so for a long time.  For many of us, that’s all we know.

 

But the challenge for every business and profession is dealing with not only change, but rapid change.  We better have a strategy that takes us beyond the narrowing confines of what we know and what we have always done.

 

If we do not build a solid, specific plan to deal with change, it is just a matter of time before that formless, no-plan shape will be pressed against the solid and unyielding angularity of the New Economy.

What I’ve learned about life on the way to the courthouse is this:  You better have a strategy and the discipline to see it through.  If you do not, the New Reality will come knocking on your door one day.  And it’s not going to be a cute little gypsy girl.

Candidates for judge are rated by the practicing attorneys

One of the most frequent questions I get as a practicing attorney and as President of the North Carolina Bar Association is from non-attorneys who want to know whom to select for judicial races this fall.

Over the last number of years, the North Carolina Bar Association has worked to set up a blind system by which practicing attorneys can rate trial court judges up for re-election, and to rate attorneys in the private practice who are running for that seat.

The result of that hard work is set forth below.  You can learn what attorneys in the know say about the trial court races in your district.  If you live in a district other than Forsyth County, you can go to the general website noted below, plug in the appropriate county, and it will take you to the available data.

At this juncture, appellate judge races, for the North Carolina Supreme Court and the North Carolina Court of Appeals, are not scored.

 

 

Making informed decisions in judicial races can be daunting--even for attorneys. For the District and Superior Court contested elections, the North Carolina Bar Association has gathered and compiled information about the candidates for trial court judge based on surveys of active lawyers in North Carolina. This information is available at our new website, www.electncjudges.org.

 

Click here to view or download the information for the contested race(s) in Forsyth County: http://jpe.ncbar.org/2012-judicial-race-information.aspx?county=Forsyth

 

Please share this important information and the public service announcement shown below with your friends, colleagues and interested organizations. 

 

I hope this helps you make a more informed decision in choosing the best candidates for these important judicial elections.  Do not hesitate to contact me if you have further questions. (mikew@wellsjenkins.com; 336-714-2566).

 

Mike Wells

On the Way to the Courthouse Wisdom—When you fall short, do you question the circumstances or question your skills and damage your self-esteem? Learn how to keep your self-esteem intact.

As most of you reading this know, I write a regular piece I call “What I’ve Learned about Life on the Way to the Courthouse”.  I send it to several   hundred friends and clients.  It is also published in North Carolina Lawyers Weekly, and I record them for WFDD FM radio station, Wake Forest University’s local National Public Radio affiliate.

I have been encouraged to send a weekly message, which is why you are receiving this.

The question of what it is, exactly, that makes people happy has been around since Man first told a story on the wall of a cave.  But science itself has learned to define it more precisely now.

Here is a brief conclusion of empirical data about an important moving part of this mystical thing we call happiness.  Hopefully, it will provide another sight line to this place where happiness resides.

TAKING OUR SELF-ESTEEM TO THE FAIR.  People who are happy with themselves take defeat and explain it away, treating it as an isolated incident that indicates nothing about their ability.  People who are unhappy take defeat, put it in front of the funny mirror at the fair in a very real way, and enlarge it.  They make it stand for who they are and they use it to predict the outcome of future life events. (J. Brown and K. Dutton, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 68:712. 1995).

We all need to make a clear assessment of what went wrong when events do not turn out as we wish.  But no assessment in front of the funny mirror is ever clear, is it?  That is one broken mirror which will lead to good luck, not bad luck

Why music in your life can sure make a difference

On the Way to the Courthouse Wisdom—Do you have music in your life?  Find out why it can sure make a difference.

 

As most of you reading this know, I write a regular piece I call “What I’ve Learned about Life on the Way to the Courthouse”.  I send it to several   hundred friends and clients.  It is also published in North Carolina Lawyers Weekly, and I record them for WFDD FM radio station, Wake Forest University’s local National Public Radio affiliate.

I have been encouraged to send a weekly message, which is why you are receiving this.

The question of what it is, exactly, that makes people happy has been around since Man first told a story on the wall of a cave.  But science itself has learned to define it more precisely now.

Here is a brief conclusion of empirical data about an important moving part of this mystical thing we call happiness.  Hopefully, it will provide another sight line to this place where happiness resides.

 

LIFE WITH A BEAT. 92% of individuals who listened to music of their choice experience a positive effect on their mood.  Typical reactions to the music were happiness and excitement. (E. Hakanen, Journal of Communications, 5:124.  1995). I Love Beach Music, sings the song in my heart.  What song does your heart sing?

 

Great Hanesbarnds Sale for the United Way!

Save money on Hanesbrands products and help the United Way, too!

 

 

October Hanesbrands Sale to Benefit

United Way, YMCA of NWNC, YWCA

A Community Service Opportunity!

 October 12:

 Set up…11:00-5:00 (pick your hours)* 

October 13…3Shifts:

6:30-11:30 a.m.;     11:00-4:00 p.m.;    2:00-6:00 p.m. (clean-up)*

Old Western Electric Plant

3304 Old Lexington Rd.

Winston-Salem, N. C.


Hanesbrands holds periodic public sales to benefit local charities. 

The October sale will provide large donations to the United Way of Forsyth County, YMCA of Northwest North Carolina and the YWCA.

As a collaborative Rotary project  your club receives Gold Club Points!

Your service helps all these agencies!

Contact Bill Park: b.park@ymcanwnc.org

*At least $20 Merchandise Voucher per 4 volunteer hours

FYI: $20=40 pairs of socks, etc.

Rain Date October 20.

Minimum age of 16 to participate.

 

On the Way to the Courthouse Wisdom about Moving On

On the Way to the Courthouse Wisdom

Here is a brief conclusion of empirical data about an important moving part of this mystical thing we call happiness. Hopefully, it will provide another sight line to this place where happiness resides.

As most of you reading this know, I write a regular piece I call “What I’ve Learned about Life on the Way to the Courthouse”.  I send it to several   hundred friends and clients.  It is also published in North Carolina Lawyers Weekly, and I record them for WFDD FM radio station, Wake Forest University’s local National Public Radio affiliate.

I have been encouraged to send a weekly message, so here goes.

The question of what it is, exactly, that makes people happy has been around since Man first told a story on the wall of a cave.  But science itself has learned to define it more precisely now.

Life with a view. Do happy people have better things which happen to them and have less failure?  Actually, they do not.  Happy and unhappy people have had similar life experiences.  But the unhappy person spends more than twice as much time thinking about unpleasant events in their lives.  Happy people look for information that brightens their personal outlook.  Lyubomirsky, S., Ph.D., 1994.

Life has its share of kicks in the pants.  Just don’t let them keep kicking.  Rerunning that bad experience in our mind’s eye never changes the result, does it?  Move on.  And the moving on part gets easier with a little practice.

Mike Wells

On the Way to the Courthouse Wisdom

On the Way to the Courthouse Wisdom

As most of you reading this know, I write a regular piece I call “What I’ve Learned about Life on the Way to the Courthouse”.  I send it to several   hundred friends and clients.  It is also published in North Carolina Lawyers Weekly, and I record them for WFDD FM radio station, Wake Forest University’s local National Public Radio affiliate.

I have been encouraged to send a weekly message, so here goes.

The question of what it is, exactly, that makes people happy has been around since Man first told a story on the wall of a cave.  But science itself has learned to define it more precisely now.

Here is a brief conclusion of empirical data about an important moving part of this mystical thing we call happiness.  Hopefully, it will provide another sight line to this place where happiness resides.

Laughing all the way.  Hundreds of adults interviewed in a number of studies show that happiness is related to humor.  The ability to laugh is a great source of life satisfaction, whether you laugh at a good joke, at yourself, or at life itself.   Solomon, J. 1996. American Behavior Scientist 39:249.

So let’s  try to laugh more.  Humor is all around us if we are on the lookout for it.  It sure lightens the load.

Mike Wells

 

Don't despair: Social Security Disability takes a long time

blog available on facebook,twitter, and linkedin

My "On the way to the courthouse" blog entries will now be posted on facebook,twitter, and linkedin.

Andy Griffith Wisdom

What is it going to take to compete in the 21^st Century?  The answer may be simpler than you think. 

If you read enough books and articles on decision-making, you will come to realize intelligence and experience are often trumped by human tendencies that date back to the dawn of time.  Add to that prejudices and preferences we have collected, particularly in our very formative days, or in a number of one-shot successes or failures.  It is no wonder we make so many bad choices in life when we seemingly should know better.

“We can only see what we have grown an eye to see”, says Rachel Remen.

Just in my post-World War II lifetime, we have seen many narrow-minded views about women and race.  When I was in college in the late 1960’s and early 1970’s, a number of the most elite colleges and universities in the country finally admitted women and more than a token number of minority students.  Failing to harness talent in a majority of people in the entire country (women plus racial minorities) should give all of us pause about our ability to get it wrong, and sometimes to get it profoundly wrong.

We make poor decisions not because of what we know but because of what we think we know that is not so; not because of what we see, but because we think we see more than we do.

“Ninety percent of errors in thinking are due to errors in perception”, said Edward do Dobo.  This is why surveys abound, lawyers use mock juries to test run a case, and HR departments use 360 peer reviews of key employees.  The smart money is on those who recognize they may not see what others see, after all.

All of which is to say: It’s an art form to be able to see clearly something of real importance from another person’s point of view.

Andy Taylor, the iconic sheriff of Mayberry from the Andy Griffith Show, knew this art form well.  If a challenge arose, Sheriff Taylor would hit upon the solution at a key moment.  The solution deftly shifted the affirming spotlight to another and valued that other person’s point of view.  He saw more clearly than others the vulnerabilities in others, and he shored them up.  It was never about him.

When Sheriff Taylor did misstep, as he often did with his women friends, he was quicker than you and me to see it and admit it.  A rare skill, that.

Whether you are building a brand on the Internet, or at the courthouse, the success of that brand is going to be predicated on these core values:  trying to see things from another point of view; recognizing that you sometimes get it wrong; a willingness to admit your mistakes; and keeping your eyes less on what you think and more on what others think.

Which are various ways of describing solid relationships that engender TRUST.

What I’ve learned about life on the way to the courthouse is this:  If you want to succeed in life, learn to get a better sight line.  The better sight line will come from the other person’s point of view.  When others trust you to see past your concerns and you focus on their concerns, people are going to beat a path to your door and value what you do.

Andy Griffith Wisdom

The Andy Griffith Solution – Getting a Good Read on the Issue at Hand

What is it going to take to compete in the 21^st Century?  The answer may be simpler than you think. 

If you read enough books and articles on decision-making, you will come to realize intelligence and experience are often trumped by human tendencies that date back to the dawn of time.  Add to that prejudices and preferences we have collected, particularly in our very formative days, or in a number of one-shot successes or failures.  It is no wonder we make so many bad choices in life when we seemingly should know better.

“We can only see what we have grown an eye to see”, says Rachel Remen.

Just in my post-World War II lifetime, we have seen many narrow-minded views about women and race.  When I was in college in the late 1960’s and early 1970’s, a number of the most elite colleges and universities in the country finally admitted women and more than a token number of minority students.  Failing to harness talent in a majority of people in the entire country (women plus racial minorities) should give all of us pause about our ability to get it wrong, and sometimes to get it profoundly wrong.

We make poor decisions not because of what we know but because of what we think we know that is not so; not because of what we see, but because we think we see more than we do.

“Ninety percent of errors in thinking are due to errors in perception”, said Edward do Dobo.  This is why surveys abound, lawyers use mock juries to test run a case, and HR departments use 360 peer reviews of key employees.  The smart money is on those who recognize they may not see what others see, after all.

All of which is to say: It’s an art form to be able to see clearly something of real importance from another person’s point of view.

 

Andy Taylor, the iconic sheriff of Mayberry from the Andy Griffith Show, knew this art form well.  If a challenge arose, Sheriff Taylor would hit upon the solution at a key moment.  The solution deftly shifted the affirming spotlight to another and valued that other person’s point of view.  He saw more clearly than others the vulnerabilities in others, and he shored them up.  It was never about him.

When Sheriff Taylor did misstep, as he often did with his women friends, he was quicker than you and me to see it and admit it.  A rare skill, that.

Whether you are building a brand on the Internet, or at the courthouse, the success of that brand is going to be predicated on these core values:  trying to see things from another point of view; recognizing that you sometimes get it wrong; a willingness to admit your mistakes; and keeping your eyes less on what you think and more on what others think.

Which are various ways of describing solid relationships that engender TRUST.

What I’ve learned about life on the way to the courthouse is this:  If you want to succeed in life, learn to get a better sight line.  The better sight line will come from the other person’s point of view.  When others trust you to see past your concerns and you focus on their concerns, people are going to beat a path to your door and value what you do.